Passing

Again, I face loss - Mum has passed away. It happened Sunday, March 10th, 2013 at 3:20 p.m. I was there with her.

Her decline since November 2012 has been rapid. The doctors felt it was the cancer - back again. Because it was slow moving they felt it was the renal cancer that had spread. I managed to get back to High River every two weeks and each time she was worse. She was becoming incontinent and less and less able to walk. Mum kept up a brave face and a good sense of humour - almost, but not quite, to the point of not acknowledging her eminent death. She was always fun to be with.

Don went to Thailand for Roger's wedding to Peach in January. At that time he booked hospice care at the High River Hospital for Mum and feared that she would not come out of the hosptial. He was right... I went in for 4 days while he was away and visited Mum at the hospital hospice. She was becoming slightly more confused, but knew that she was only in while Don was away. She kept asking where he was - it was so boring there. And it was! Oh my how horrid , old, vacant, wheel chair bound just plonked in the doorways and hallways. Poor Mum. Her apetite was waning too.

When Don returned they moved Mum up to the 3rd floor. Don truly did do a marvelous job looking after Mum and went above and beyond with his effort to keep her home for as long as he could. I continued to come in as often as possible, she kept declining. They performed MRI's and scans on Mum then, and discovered some blood clots in her lungs (small), and cancer, and also cancer that had encircled her spine at the lumbar 4 region. Thus the incontinence and paralysis...which would only get worse. Dr. Rader was amazed she could move her legs at all. Her pain level must have been intolerable but she seldom complained, and the Dr. seemed hesitant to put her on anything for fear that our (family/friends) quality of visits would be diminished....

Two weeks before her death we had a marvelous and fun visit on a Saturday evening. I took some pictures of her with Luvie, who I was taking in with me every time - the hospital was so good about pet visits. The next day, Sunday morning, I was shocked to see Mum was back on oxygen... then by Tuesday Don tearfully broke the news to me that Mum now had pnuemonia and the doctor felt she would be gone within a week. We had, and Mum as well upon the discovery of the advancing cancer, decided against any treatment and were going to go with comfort and care til her end. We had to make the decision whether to treat the pnuemonia, thus extending her life so that she could face excruciating and agonizing pain with bone cancer (in her spine), or quietly go with what they call the old person's friend - pnuemonia. We opted for a less painful demise - thus signing Mum's death warrant.

I had no idea what to expect -

Mum's 80th

I just can't believe Mum is still with us, and doing so very well. She is an amazingly courageous and strong woman who remains sweet and kind through all of her life's experiences. Four years ago she should have left us when she had a double anuerism - who survives one? but two? It is a story hard for me to repeat because it was such a horrible, broken hearted time for me as it was the news of the death of my 22 year old daughter that seemed to trigger the anuerisms.....I was desolate and beyond bereft with the loss of Emily, and when the news that Mum might not make it...If not for a few beautiful earthlings and many angels carrying me and my mother on their wings she and I would not be here to celebrate this beautiful day.. September 1, 2012.


Thou Shalt Not Judge

More inspiration today over coffee with another super good friend. So much optimism exudes from this gal, you can't help but feel so great being around her. She reaffirmed my committment to this blog as a source for self work. This year has to be about:
"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen"
I want to watch my though patterns and belief structures... time to let go of those old 'truisms (?)', and be aware of what is, and not attaching to any of it.
Need to read Carolyn Myss, and some others.

A New Year

I am going to try to be more deligent with posting. I have been again inspired, this time by my friend at papermeetsglue.blogspot.com, and want to perhaps build some confidence in my own papercrafting/writing/artwork.

I am on my life's journey....

these thoughts are mine, so I need no followers, just my own belief in myself. Here's to a start to a year of better introspection, more self-love, and lots of discovery.

In other words....  a year in discovering and hearing my heart song.

Quest

The catalyst for the opening of this blog is serendipity. An acquaintance found a blogspot siting some wonderful words about my deceased daughter. His acknowledgment and mention on Emily in his post touched my scarred heart. It has been three years since Emily's death and every time I think I can see beyond the tragedy, I realize how impossible it is. I am still learning to live with it, to find joy, excitement and leave behind the fear and dread of the future

As I read his words, which I realized he wrote while I was in the worst place of my life - so far down, so deeply in pain

Speaking of missing things. A very sad thing has happened this last weekend. A friend of mine, a young woman with a beautiful soul has died a tragic death in a terrible car accident this last weekend. Her name was Emily Anderson. She is survived by a very young son and her partner. I only just saw and talked to Emily a few weeks ago. Emily had very beautiful eyes that radiated her very kind and compassionate soul-personality. This unfortunate incident painfully reminds me how fragile and delicate life actually is and how quickly it can be taken away. It is my feeling that because she was an advanced soul the universe had important tasks for her elsewhere. Take care Emily – we will miss you. Please say a little prayer for Emily and her family when you get a chance this week – thank you.

This incident also reminds me how important it is for us, the living, to enjoy every minute of our lives as if it were our last. Life is too short and rich to worry about things. If there is something you need to do to improve your life – then do it. If something is making you unhappy or needs to end – then change or end it. If there is something you want to do that is the passion of your heart’s calling – then do it. If there is somewhere you really desire to travel to – then go there. Don’t waste time or energy thinking about reasons why you can’t do the things you want to do. All things are possible in the realm of human energy and endeavors.

Life is too short to put up with things, people, or situations that make you unhappy. It is your duty to fully serve your happiness so that you can help others achieve same. We are here to realize our divinity and to be happy. If you are not happy then you need to take a good look at that and figure out what is causing your unhappiness.

99.9% of the time it will be something inside you that needs to change – not outside. Blame and victimhood do not serve your best interests. What is it inside of you that is twisting your perceptions and causing your unhappiness? All of us carry lots of outmoded and self-deprecating beliefs that we picked up in our early childhood from our parents and others who really were only trying to help or find their own keys to happiness.

Life is not always a bowl of cherries and how we perceive our lives is the key to our happiness. Many different unfortunate pains and events happen to us to actually make us stronger in the end. If the wind did not blow to bend the young tree how could it survive the storms of the future? All is as it needs to be. Everything is in perfect order for our highest learning. This is how the universe naturally operates – for our highest and greatest purpose. Things that are traumatic and painful for us at the time actually prepare us better to cope with the future and give us more wisdom and clarity on the workings of the world.

The key to happiness (I have so much yet to learn to master this key!) is in HOW you PERCIEVE and FEEL about what has and is happening in your life. The events themselves are not that important and eventually pass away into oblivion but how you emotionally and mentally perceive and acknowledge the event can affect you for the rest of your life (if you let it).

I now know this about life after living on the planet for 48 years (this lifetime) – happiness does not just come to you – you have to work at it, and once you do achieve a small portion of happiness you have to work even harder to keep it or it too can slip away like a morning dream.

The more we can free our inner selves from the topsy turvy events in our lives by emotionally/mentally perceiving them for what they are – just events that eventually become dim or cherished memories as the case may be – the happier we can be.

Happiness is an inner phenomenon not an outer one. No amount of money, things, success, or popularity is going to make you happy. Only your attitude and perceptions about all those factors is going to allow happiness to seep into your life. Up-level your addictions to preferences and consider all things with a healthy independent non-attached attitude – this alone with help you immensely on your path to a life filled with Love, Happiness, and Joy.

If you want to be happy – go get it and make it happen – it is your divine right. Remember to appreciate and be grateful for all the good things, people, and events in your life that help you achieve your happiness. The universe loves and rewards a grateful heart.

May all of you be experiencing much joy and happiness in your life and be gathering into your experience everything that fulfills you and your desires! Aho!

Oh yeah, and if you really want to help the happiness thing along even better – grab and bang yer drum daily!

Namaste
Kim
: )

Interesting links:
http://www.consciousmedianetwork.com/home.htm - A very excellent “conscious” media website.
http://drummingfromtheheart.blogspot.com/ - My Drumming From The Heart Blog.
http://astraldynamics.com – incredible website on energy and healing.
http://www.dailyom.com/ - Inspirational relaxing website for nurturing your body and soul.
http://www.templeofsacredsound.org/ - a very cool website on the subject of healing sounds with “Toning Chambers” by Jonathan Goldman
http://www.healingmusic.org/default.asp - Informative website on all kinds of healing music.
http://www.theresonanceproject.org/ - Carrying on where Einstein left off – incredible cutting edge scientific/spiritual information.
http://www.spiritofmaat.com/ - Excellent website discussing new age spirituality, human potential, and new science.
http://rhythmweb.com/circle/index.html - All about drum circles at the Rhythm Web.
http://www.ted.com/ - Very interesting cutting edge video website with interesting talks/videos on a variety of subjects.
http://drumbum.com/lessons/ - An incredibly diverse website with free drum lessons and instruction.
http://www.calculatorcat.com/moon_phases/phasenow.php - Current Moon Phase page.
http://www.empire-music.com/Canada/English/ - Excellent online Canadian music/drum store.
____________________________________________________________________

Thank you Esteemed Drumming Ones.
Peace and Synchronistic Rhythm to all.
See you soon Drumming From The Heart!

Namaste,

Kim Massé
Facilitator,
Drumming From The Heart
; > )

 

 

 

 

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